It
was nice of Brooks’ mother Rhonda and her boyfriend Marty to invite
them for Christmas dinner. The evening had gone well, and Jeanetta
was comfortably seated at their kitchen table, watching them open a
gift from Marty’s crazy neighbor lady Glenda.
“We’ve had this under the tree since the second week of December.” Rhonda was saying.
Marty laughed. “If Glenda had had her way it would have been there the day after Thanksgiving.”
“What’s her bag?” Brooks asked. The bird he’d gotten as a baby when he was a teenager, fourteen years old now, sat dozing on his head. Jeanetta couldn’t help but laugh. Rhonda had told her earlier in the evening that the bird had never liked anyone but Brooks.
“She’s just crazy.” Marty said, watching with discontent as Rhonda tore into the wrapping paper. Inside was a Styrofoam box. “God, I hope it wasn’t Omaha Steaks.”
“Or a cat.” Rhonda said, turning the box in several different directions, trying to figure out what it might be. “I’ll bet it’s a ceramic deer.”
“She wouldn’t.” Marty replied. “Just because her house is decorated like the woods. If I wanted to be outdoors, I’d just go outdoors.”
“You could just open it and find out.” Brooks said cynically.
Rhonda glared at him. “Thank you, Mr. Obvious.” She pulled the tape from around the crease between the two halves of the box and peered into it. Suddenly, she began to laugh.
Marty looked at her. “It’s a deer, isn’t it?” he said, squinting, as if the ceramic statue in the box would blind him.
Rhonda shook her head and smiled sadly as she pulled the hideous thing from the Styrofoam. “It’s from the Bradford Exchange.” She said. “She spent a lot of money on this.” The statue was of two small point bucks locked in a wrestling match under the watchful eye of the head of a ten point buck that was growing out of a tree trunk.
Marty laughed. “She got screwed.”
“Don’t be rude.” Rhonda chided him. “Now, where can we stick this so she’ll see it the next time she comes over.”
“Oh, no, you don’t. You’re not putting that thing up in my living room.” Marty said. “She probably got it as a gift and hated it so she regifted it to us. Let’s try to regift it to somebody we don’t like.”
Brooks laughed. “Yeah, like Glenda.”
Rhonda stared at the two of them. “You two are terrible.” She said, scanning the room for a place to put the statue.
“Maybe you can put it in the bird cage.” Brooks suggested. He took the bird from his hat and attempted to put it on the antlers of the ten pointer. It refused to place its tiny foot on the thing. “Scratch that. Even Bird doesn’t like it.”
“It’s the thought that counts.” Rhonda pointed out.
“Maybe she should have thought harder.” Marty said. “She wanted me to call her as soon as I opened it. What can I tell her?”
Jeanetta laughed at the crew of them. “How about ‘You shouldn’t have.’?”
Marty laughed. “No, she really shouldn’t have.”
Rhonda sighed. “Maybe we could set it up in the spare room?”
Jeanetta grinned. “That sounds like it’s a room full of stuff you didn’t want. Call it a ‘display room’, then no one can complain.”
“Except Marty.” Rhonda countered.
“Marty has every right.” Marty said. “Maybe we can just cover it up with something?”
“Yeah,” Jeanetta said. “If you put a cloth or something over those antlers, you could use it as a candy dish.”
Marty sat down in the kitchen chair across from Jeanetta. “Who would want to eat their candy out of that thing?” he said bitterly.
Rhonda sat the statue on top of her desk in the living room. “It will have to sit there until we can figure out what to do with it.” She said.
Within a few moments, the hideous deer head was forgotten and they chatted far into the night.
A few weeks later, Brooks was stopping by to pick up a few things that he’d left with his mother when he’d moved out. He did a double take as he passed by the new bird feeder in the yard. There, tied to a stake in the middle of the yard, was the hideous deer head. The few winter birds hanging around were landing on the antlers and pecking corn syrup soaked birdseed from the top of the deer’s head. He laughed as he opened the door to Marty’s house. “Finally found a way to put that thing to good use, eh?”
Marty laughed. “Well, Glenda wondered why that lovely gift wasn’t in a more conspicuous place. The front yard is about as conspicuous as I can find.”
They stood together at the door watching the birds. They tweeted and twittered as they landed on the ceramic antlers, pecked relentlessly at the deer’s head, and flew off. “Even the birds don’t like it.” Brooks said.
“Yeah, but unlike your spoiled rotten bird, they like to peck at it.” Marty replied.
“What did Glenda say?” Brooks asked.
“She thought it was a nice addition. She said my yard could use a little sprucing up.” Marty replied.
“She really is crazy, isn’t she?” Brooks said. Marty laughed.
“Yep, she is.”
“What did Mom say?” Brooks asked.
“She said I was rude and inconsiderate.” Marty sighed. “But even she had to admit it looks better there than it did on top of the desk.”
“We’ve had this under the tree since the second week of December.” Rhonda was saying.
Marty laughed. “If Glenda had had her way it would have been there the day after Thanksgiving.”
“What’s her bag?” Brooks asked. The bird he’d gotten as a baby when he was a teenager, fourteen years old now, sat dozing on his head. Jeanetta couldn’t help but laugh. Rhonda had told her earlier in the evening that the bird had never liked anyone but Brooks.
“She’s just crazy.” Marty said, watching with discontent as Rhonda tore into the wrapping paper. Inside was a Styrofoam box. “God, I hope it wasn’t Omaha Steaks.”
“Or a cat.” Rhonda said, turning the box in several different directions, trying to figure out what it might be. “I’ll bet it’s a ceramic deer.”
“She wouldn’t.” Marty replied. “Just because her house is decorated like the woods. If I wanted to be outdoors, I’d just go outdoors.”
“You could just open it and find out.” Brooks said cynically.
Rhonda glared at him. “Thank you, Mr. Obvious.” She pulled the tape from around the crease between the two halves of the box and peered into it. Suddenly, she began to laugh.
Marty looked at her. “It’s a deer, isn’t it?” he said, squinting, as if the ceramic statue in the box would blind him.
Rhonda shook her head and smiled sadly as she pulled the hideous thing from the Styrofoam. “It’s from the Bradford Exchange.” She said. “She spent a lot of money on this.” The statue was of two small point bucks locked in a wrestling match under the watchful eye of the head of a ten point buck that was growing out of a tree trunk.
Marty laughed. “She got screwed.”
“Don’t be rude.” Rhonda chided him. “Now, where can we stick this so she’ll see it the next time she comes over.”
“Oh, no, you don’t. You’re not putting that thing up in my living room.” Marty said. “She probably got it as a gift and hated it so she regifted it to us. Let’s try to regift it to somebody we don’t like.”
Brooks laughed. “Yeah, like Glenda.”
Rhonda stared at the two of them. “You two are terrible.” She said, scanning the room for a place to put the statue.
“Maybe you can put it in the bird cage.” Brooks suggested. He took the bird from his hat and attempted to put it on the antlers of the ten pointer. It refused to place its tiny foot on the thing. “Scratch that. Even Bird doesn’t like it.”
“It’s the thought that counts.” Rhonda pointed out.
“Maybe she should have thought harder.” Marty said. “She wanted me to call her as soon as I opened it. What can I tell her?”
Jeanetta laughed at the crew of them. “How about ‘You shouldn’t have.’?”
Marty laughed. “No, she really shouldn’t have.”
Rhonda sighed. “Maybe we could set it up in the spare room?”
Jeanetta grinned. “That sounds like it’s a room full of stuff you didn’t want. Call it a ‘display room’, then no one can complain.”
“Except Marty.” Rhonda countered.
“Marty has every right.” Marty said. “Maybe we can just cover it up with something?”
“Yeah,” Jeanetta said. “If you put a cloth or something over those antlers, you could use it as a candy dish.”
Marty sat down in the kitchen chair across from Jeanetta. “Who would want to eat their candy out of that thing?” he said bitterly.
Rhonda sat the statue on top of her desk in the living room. “It will have to sit there until we can figure out what to do with it.” She said.
Within a few moments, the hideous deer head was forgotten and they chatted far into the night.
A few weeks later, Brooks was stopping by to pick up a few things that he’d left with his mother when he’d moved out. He did a double take as he passed by the new bird feeder in the yard. There, tied to a stake in the middle of the yard, was the hideous deer head. The few winter birds hanging around were landing on the antlers and pecking corn syrup soaked birdseed from the top of the deer’s head. He laughed as he opened the door to Marty’s house. “Finally found a way to put that thing to good use, eh?”
Marty laughed. “Well, Glenda wondered why that lovely gift wasn’t in a more conspicuous place. The front yard is about as conspicuous as I can find.”
They stood together at the door watching the birds. They tweeted and twittered as they landed on the ceramic antlers, pecked relentlessly at the deer’s head, and flew off. “Even the birds don’t like it.” Brooks said.
“Yeah, but unlike your spoiled rotten bird, they like to peck at it.” Marty replied.
“What did Glenda say?” Brooks asked.
“She thought it was a nice addition. She said my yard could use a little sprucing up.” Marty replied.
“She really is crazy, isn’t she?” Brooks said. Marty laughed.
“Yep, she is.”
“What did Mom say?” Brooks asked.
“She said I was rude and inconsiderate.” Marty sighed. “But even she had to admit it looks better there than it did on top of the desk.”